Have You Lost The REAL You?

Society has always had the ability to set trends, but when did we allow someone else’s preference to become our standard?

blog 2We forget that trends and fads are not static; they are in a mystifying, ever changing waltz. This dance is choreographed by lionized opinions from people we may never meet. Fads and trends tell us what to eat, who to date, what to wear, and what is and is not socially acceptable, for the moment. There’s no way to truly “be yourself” if the self you are molding is constantly shaped by the opinions and decisions of others. The problem with living someone else’s version of you is that we are not one size fits all personalities. What works for one person, might not work for another. We set ourselves up for a miserable life when we try to tailor, or hem, who we are so people will like us, society will be pleased with us, the church won’t judge us, and our friends will accept us.

Who are you really?

In my 38 years of life coaching I have seen many fall prey to unattainable ideals. Somewhere I read that it’s impossible to serve two masters because you’ll end up loving one, and hating the other. Who are you loving? Who do you hate when you feel outcasted? If we don’t understand that we are naturally designed to be different, the person we’ll end up hating is the one in the mirror. I want to help refine the authentic you. I want to help people like the parts of themselves that society tells them to hide. I also want to help change what can be fixed, like our attitudes, perception, and habits. There are too many people shaving down the best parts of them to fit a mold that simply does not exist. The standard you choose to live is the one that matters.

With willingness to let go and my careful life coaching, it is very possible to discover the real you.

Does Your Direction Need Redirecting?

I recently had a conversation with a friend who voiced his opinion on women in the work place. He believed that women working a 9 to 5 was the down fall of today’s family. Listening to this philosophy major generalize the entire female gender intrigued me because I have so many successful business women with successful family’s as clients. I needed to know where he was he drawing his conclusions from. He believed all women who worked a full time job jeopardized the integrity of her family, they risked building bonds with other men, they relinquished ever fully knowing their children, and when they had, because they would, an affair, it would be a violent domino effect demolishing their family. This, he said, causes a kind of generational curse where anger, adultery, and lust is embedded in ones genealogy. Casually, he discussed how offensive it was for a woman to be the head of the house. According to him, a woman’s place is behind a man, not at the side of him. I explained that phrases like, “be a man,” or “act like a woman,” were relative.

SexistNevertheless, we decide what these words mean to us, and how we will apply them in our lives. My good friend, needing to complete his thought, used his relationship with his mother to prove reversing gender roles was a crime. He had, and unfortunately still has, a calloused association with his mother. Like many clients I see, he projects the bitterness he has towards his mother on all women. It does not help that he is besieged by men who share the same ideals, allowing a plethora of harmful emotions to fester. This is a new kind of domino effect. Each emotion pushes against him like eager hands ready to destroy. His turmoil goes unseen because of pride, anger, or fear; and the help he desperately needs goes unreceived.

I have seen this projection many times in friends, clients, and strangers. But, I understand his firm stance. He unknowingly only thinks with the limbic part of his brain. This is the part of our brain where emotions and motives are stored. Pulling from this pool alone allows him to empathize, but not reason. He’s not using his frontal lobe; the part of our brain that rationalizes. Living in a a place of emotion alone can be dangerous. We need to have the ability to assess what is reality and whether or not our personal feelings are distorting that truth. Hypnosis is a great way to discover why we feel what we feel.

The Starving Brain

When I think of the 4th of July weekend coming up, I think of hotdogs, burgers, grills, the sun out, frozen fruit drinks and most importantly, some very needed family time.

Needless to say, I know there are people out there that fear this time of year and many other holidays like this centered around family gatherings and food (Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Birthdays, and the like). They fear the idea of having to eat in front of family and friends. There are people tormented by the thought of having to force themselves to eat to appear healthy and normal on the outside.1275fcd73d195d39f36b7135c52f5371

The truth is, anorexia is hardly ever about weight. It doesn’t matter if you’re 80 pounds or 180 pounds, an anorexic will still feel that they are never at their perfect weight. Anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, and other related eating disorders are a form of addiction, very similar in root to gambling, alcoholism, drugs, smoking, sex, etc. – it is centered around attaining the ‘high’ that makes you feel good/relieved.

Young girls and boys on the onset of anorexia and bulimia purge because of how amazing it makes them feel afterwards. Fast forward a few years, it turns into a habit, an addiction no longer controllable. The troubling truth about habit is its stronghold over our lives. It’s great that some of us have great habits, like waking up early in the morning and sticking to our awesome workout regimes but there are a lot of us who fight head on with daily negative habits. Sometimes we turn to our addictions to distract us from the real issue we are dealing with on the inside.

Anorexia, like all other addictions, takes your good qualities and uses them against yourself in destructive ways. It will take your amazing persistence and push you to continue to purge and starve. It will take your strong determination and use it to push to to achieve visible ribcages. It will take your unique creativity and use it to create stories to hide the real reason as to why you are “not hungry”. It will take your hardworking, disciplined mindset and use it to fight for the wrong things.

I want to emphasize the power of our brains and what we can do change the way we think. Hypnosis can help you center your thoughts on what is truly important and meaningful in life. You have to realize that your body, your organs, and your actions/habits are all controlled by your brain. Your heart cannot beat and pump blood without the command of the brain. Likewise, your thoughts don’t end up where they do without the command of the brain. Come see me. And I don’t say this lightly. I know how real the fear is for those that battle with this every day, through every meal.

I want to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July!!

Can’t Turn Your Brain Off?

Can’t turn your brain off at night? Can’t seem to stop worrying the night away? The more you worry over the fact that you can’t seem to fall asleep, the more you won’t be able to sleep. It’s funny how the brain works but like all other things in life, the more you focus on an ‘issue’ the bigger it seems to get and the more it starts to cloud and take over your mind, clicking your brain gears to stay focused and obsessed over that one ‘issue’ (could pertain to your fears, your addiction, your negative memories, etc.).

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CDC reports that 50 to 70 million Americans suffer from insomnia. It’s become such a widespread issue that March 9th has become “National Insomnia Awareness Day”. In the past, many turned to prescribed medication to help soothe their restless nights but you have to trust me on this, medication is not the best  answer. Hypnosis can help you fall asleep faster every night and it can help you fall asleep more quickly after waking up during the night.

Insomnia can be tackled with just two simple things: hypnosis and lifestyle changes. Many clients that come to see me tend to have anxiety or depression that ties into their reason for insomnia while the other handful have unbalanced eating and drinking habits that prevent that from having a good nights sleep.

There are many dangers to insomnia that people overlook and take lightly. Insomnia not only leads to anxiety, depression, headaches, arthritis, and in serious cases heart attacks, but it also causes serious cognitive impairment. It leads to deterioration to an individuals attention span and memory bank (your ability to recall events, places, details and emotions). These are serious long term effects that should be addressed through hypnotherapy.

Overcoming Major Anxiety Issues through Hypnotherapy

If you’re one of the 8 million Americans suffering from anxiety, I bet you’re located in or around New York City. Although it may not necessarily manifest itself as a panic attack, anxiety is enough of a broad topic to be frustrating when it manifests itself individually! It can be fatal the moment you cast the experience aside. Don’t do that anymore. Don’t take your prescription medications obsessively, blindly, trying to combat the damn anxiety; knowing deep down that the pills probably aren’t working anymore, but you don’t know what else to do, they’re there, you’re scared, you’re told they’d work, so you take them.

I don’t blame you. Needless to say but necessary to reiterate: the pills don’t always get to the root of your problem. If anything, their cost causes greater anxiety. And you may say, well, it’s also costly to get at the root via an all natural method. But listen: if you do get to a state in which you can expend whatever is necessary to get to the root, then you should: The benefits are permanent and will save you the rest of your life.

Of course, you know where I’m going now: Hypnosis. And no, hypnosis is not talk therapy. Talk therapy can go on forever. Hypnosis is structured, with the goal of treating you fully and efficiently in a short amount of time. Neuroplasticity, the science behind hypnosis, physically changes the way your brain will associate certain information so, what once induced stress and anxiety will now leave you cooler than a cucumber. Your anxiety might be unique and entertaining, but that’s no reason to let the pain continue. Want to make it stop? Call my office at (212) 599-3195.