Losing A Loved One.

Death is such an inevitable part a life. We shouldn’t be shocked when it comes for us,  yet we are. The unfortunate truth is, everyone will one day lose someone, or something they love. Coping with the loss of a loved one isn’t easy, but it is necessary.

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Not everyone will take solace in knowing that their loved one is finally out of pain or that they are no longer emotionally suffering. But some will. Those who do will still grieve and mourn the deceased, but they will also be comforted by what they believe comes after death. There is resilience in having a system of faith.

No matter your belief, grief is a common season that people deal with. As mentioned in the last blog post, there is no right or wrong way to mourn. You might experience denial, anger, confusion, sadness, and a lack of enthusiasm. That’s okay. Given the nature of the vital role your loved one played in your life, their passing will greatly effect you. Give yourself time to get re-adjusted to your life.

Feeling like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster is completely normal. One day you might feel okay and the next day you’ll be devastated all over again. This will fade over time. If it doesn’t, you might be suffering from complicated grief.

Mayoclinic.org defines complicated grief as such: For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the loss and resuming your own life.

For a list of symptoms, click here.

If you believe you are suffering from complicated grief or you’re just having a hard time dealing with your loss, speaking with a life coach can be just what you need. Together we will sort through your emotions, redirect your thinking, and get your life back on track. You will never really get over losing someone you love, but with help, you can address your loss from a healthy perspective.

 

Jealousy, An All Consuming Fire.

People welcome jealousy into their lives, without intending to. They see something they really want and envy that which isn’t theirs. They acknowledge their want of it and, in positive instances, convert it into self-motivation.

tumblr_nqbkpunYAi1u7jt09o1_r1_1280On the other side of the spectrum, some see something they want and experience resentment because it isn’t theirs. Their jealousy never forms into self-motivation. In fact, it becomes an all consuming fire. Their negative thoughts grow fixated on the things they don’t have, magnifying it to something incontrollable and bigger than themselves.

This is so dangerous. It affects relationships, careers, emotional and mental health, and it can really cripple your life.

Jealousy develops when we start comparing ourselves to others. I always tell my clients that we are all on our own journey. We meet people, we invest, we make some U-turns but ultimately, no one else is living the life we individually get in this lifetime. You have to get to a place where separating fact from fantasy is possible, where set goals are met, and where jealousy propels you to be proactive. As I life coach, I am continually engaging in hearing your life story. We all are so special in our own way.

 

Sleep It Off

Ever had someone tell you to “sleep it off”?

If there’s anything I know to have helped enrich my clients lives, it’s two basic needs: water and sleep. Water cleans out your system (another post for another day – I’m always surprised to see how many clients that come in for weight loss don’t drink enough water) and sleep literally is the best medicine both physically and mentally. Don’t wait to treat yourself until after you’ve crashed and burned. What is the point of stitching up a wound when you’ve already been drained of all your blood?

CNN reported back in February that the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) called sleep deprivation a “public health epidemic.”

The article can be found here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/18/health/great-sleep-recession/.

The article also suggests how many hours of sleep we should be getting every night:

  • Newborns (0 to 3 months) — 14 to 17 hours per day
  • Infants (4 to 11 months) — 12 to 15 hours per day
  • Toddlers (1 to 2 years old) — 11 to 14 hours per day
  • Preschoolers (3 to 5 years old) — 11 to 14 hours per day
  • School age (6 to 13 years old) — 9 to 11 hours per day
  • Teens (14 to 17 years old) — 8 to 10 hours per day
  • Younger adults (18 to 25 years old) — 7 to 9 hours per day
  • Adults (26 to 64 years old) — 7 to 9 hours per day
  • Older adults (65 and older) — 7 to 8 hours per day


Without your suggest hours of sleep, you are at a risk in a number of ways. Your performance level drops, your ability to concentrate drops and your mood and motives are all swung out of place. Drowsy driving is found to be just as risky as drunk driving. Our brains are wonderful pieces of creation but without sleep, the way we think, the way we see details, the way we retain memories, process information and make decisions ultimately dwindle. To carry such debilitations over a few missed hours of sleep a night is not worth the bigger, long term mistakes headed your way (i.e. an automobile accident, consistently arriving to work late, missing fine details (if you work in finances… this is major), missing a flight, turning small arguments into exploded fights, and the like). We’ve all experienced this at some point so can we agree that emotions are greatly heightened by lack of sleep causing anger, frustration and sadness to get blown out of proportion?

It’s a lot easier said than done because my clients come in for a gamut of issues that prevent them from getting good rest at night (money issues, relationship downfalls, raising troubled kids, losing job opportunities, insomnia, depression, addictions, PTSD, anxiety, sexual issues, fears, night terrors, you name it). Come see me and I will help you get the rest you need. Trust me, things do not seem as bad as they did after a night of quality sleep.

Hap·py /ˈhapē/ Adjective 1. 
Feeling Or Showing Pleasure Or Contentment.

Unhappy people are easy to recognize. They share a common lack of identity, path, and/or aspirations. I’m not talking about “the late bloomer”. We all have that neighbor with a 26-year-old son who’s been trying to “find” himself since graduating college.

Unhappy people are unhappy because they aren’t trying to find themselves. They actually believe it when their mammal brains, the brain we’re born with, tell them that they are meant and designed for unhappiness.

imagesSome people are unhappy because of a bio-chemical imbalance. Somewhere down the line, they’ve compromised themselves, or they’ve entered a structure (relationship, contractual agreement, or professional position) that has forced them to live a life that’s contrary to their inner self. These people could potentially suffer from mild, chronic, or acute unhappiness. Chronic unhappiness potentially directs its host to a life of avoidance by means of addiction while acute unhappiness forces its host into a world of depression.

But, unhappiness is not hopelessness.

Action must be taken to help pinpoint the root of unhappiness in your life. Figuring it out is half the battle. Could it be that you’re still holding on to a past hurt? Failing at the life plan someone else has made for you? or listening to the negativity of your mammal brain? Believing that you can move from where you are to where you want to be is vital. With my help, I can help identify what’s preventing you from moving forward in your rich and meaningful life.

Experience–dependent neuroplasticity, the part of our brain that learns from our experiences, forms our personality when in the beta and gamma state. This means we can also reorganize, and, as a result, change our personalities. So long as what’s being changed is philosophically and truly embraced an entire person can be turned around. The goal is not to get you to be someone else, but to get you to your very unique self.

Have You Lost The REAL You?

Society has always had the ability to set trends, but when did we allow someone else’s preference to become our standard?

blog 2We forget that trends and fads are not static; they are in a mystifying, ever changing waltz. This dance is choreographed by lionized opinions from people we may never meet. Fads and trends tell us what to eat, who to date, what to wear, and what is and is not socially acceptable, for the moment. There’s no way to truly “be yourself” if the self you are molding is constantly shaped by the opinions and decisions of others. The problem with living someone else’s version of you is that we are not one size fits all personalities. What works for one person, might not work for another. We set ourselves up for a miserable life when we try to tailor, or hem, who we are so people will like us, society will be pleased with us, the church won’t judge us, and our friends will accept us.

Who are you really?

In my 38 years of life coaching I have seen many fall prey to unattainable ideals. Somewhere I read that it’s impossible to serve two masters because you’ll end up loving one, and hating the other. Who are you loving? Who do you hate when you feel outcasted? If we don’t understand that we are naturally designed to be different, the person we’ll end up hating is the one in the mirror. I want to help refine the authentic you. I want to help people like the parts of themselves that society tells them to hide. I also want to help change what can be fixed, like our attitudes, perception, and habits. There are too many people shaving down the best parts of them to fit a mold that simply does not exist. The standard you choose to live is the one that matters.

With willingness to let go and my careful life coaching, it is very possible to discover the real you.